What Veterans Day Really Means to Me

Veterans Day has always been a complicated day for me. Like many of my fellow veterans, I don’t exactly love being thanked for my service. It’s not that I’m ungrateful or unappreciative—I know people mean well—but the words have lost their meaning. When I joined the military, I did it for my own reasons. It was my choice, and I did it with my eyes open, knowing exactly what I was signing up for.

Growing up, my life was deeply shaped by the events of 9/11. I was in high school when it happened, and I remember the images on the TV, the fear, the anger, and the questions we all had. That day left an imprint on me and countless others of my generation. We grew up in a world marked by that tragedy, and for many of us, that meant looking for a way to make sense of it, to do something in response.

For me, that response was enlisting in the Army. I joined because I wanted to go to Iraq and see with my own eyes what was happening on the ground, to understand the reality behind the headlines. It wasn’t about being a hero or seeking accolades; it was about facing something head-on that felt impossible to understand from a distance. So, to me, my military service wasn’t something to be celebrated. It was a job I committed to—a contract I signed, knowing there were obligations on both sides.

The Weight of “Thank You for Your Service”: Connecting with Veterans Beyond Words

After I became a veteran, Veterans Day changed. It was no longer about looking up to those who served; it became a day of personal reflection, a day I spent thinking about the brothers and sisters I served alongside, especially those who are no longer here with us. And I’ll be honest—walking through the world as a veteran can be strange. The moment people find out you served, they tend to blurt out “Thank you for your service.” It’s almost automatic, like saying “sorry” when you bump into someone in a hallway. It’s polite, yes, but it’s also impersonal.

Many veterans I know feel the same way—that “thank you for your service” has lost its meaning. People say it so much that it doesn’t feel genuine anymore. Sometimes, I even hesitate to mention that I’m a veteran because I know what’s coming. The response is rarely an invitation to share experiences or memories. Instead, it feels like a formality, a way for people to express respect without actually diving into the reality of what service entails.

If you really want to thank a veteran, consider going beyond those words. Ask them how they’re doing, or ask them what they enjoyed about serving. These questions open the door to conversations that are more meaningful, more personal. I know veterans, myself included, who would appreciate that kind of thoughtful engagement. And please, for the love of everything, don’t ask how many people they’ve killed. I can’t tell you how many times that question has come up, and it’s never okay. Service is so much more than that, and questions like that show a lack of understanding. Instead, try asking something that respects the person beyond the uniform. Show us that you care about who we are, not just the title we carry.

From Vietnam to Now: A Society’s Changing Perspective

One of the hardest parts of being a veteran today is reconciling society’s shifting perspective on what it means to serve. I often think about our Vietnam veterans and the treatment they received when they came home. Instead of honor and respect, they were met with distrust and even hostility. They were expected to bear the weight of the country’s anger over a complicated war. They deserved understanding and compassion but were instead pushed aside and often shunned.

Then, almost as if society realized its mistake, we swung to the other extreme. Today, veterans are celebrated, thanked, and put on pedestals. It’s almost like society is overcompensating, making up for the poor treatment of past generations. And while the intention is good, it feels odd to have our service romanticized this way. I appreciate the gesture, but it feels strange to be elevated for something I willingly chose to do.

Veterans and Entitlement: The Cost of the Pedestal

One of the things I’ve noticed over the years is that society’s shift to put veterans on a pedestal has led to some unintended consequences. It’s disheartening to see how, over time, certain veterans have come to feel entitled to special treatment, as if their service alone has made them deserving of anything and everything. This shift toward celebrating veterans is well-meaning, but when it goes too far, it risks changing the nature of military service itself. Instead of being a calling, it can become a means to an end, a way to cash in on respect without understanding the true weight of what service entails.

For me, there’s a clear difference between receiving something as a gesture of respect and demanding it as if it’s our due. I believe veterans shouldn’t have to struggle to receive what they’re genuinely entitled to—healthcare, education, support for reintegrating into civilian life. But when I see some veterans throwing a fit because a business doesn’t offer a military discount or a free meal, it feels like they’ve lost sight of the true nature of service. The entitlement, the expectation that service should come with endless rewards, takes away from the respect our uniform is meant to convey.

Finding the Heart of Veterans Day

A few years ago, my husband, also a veteran, talked me into going out on Veterans Day to take advantage of the free meals offered to us. I’d never really paid attention to that tradition before, didn’t realize just how many places offer discounts and special treatment for veterans on this day. But sitting there, surrounded by other veterans, was an experience I didn’t expect. For a moment, I felt a sense of pride, seeing us all together under one roof, each with our own stories, our own scars, and our own reasons for serving.

But even in that setting, there were moments that reminded me of the complicated nature of these celebrations. Among all the respectful, down-to-earth veterans were a few who treated the wait staff poorly, with a sense of entitlement that left me angry. To me, service should make us humble, not demanding. The true honor in service is found in respect—for ourselves, for each other, and for those who support us. Watching a veteran demand special treatment felt like a betrayal of everything I believed about what it meant to serve.

Veterans Day, to me, is a reminder of the balance we should strive for—honoring those who served without placing them on a pedestal, celebrating their contributions without creating entitlement. If we can remember that veterans are individuals, each with unique journeys, maybe we can create a culture of genuine respect. So, if you want to honor a veteran, ask them about their experiences, their challenges, their joys. Take a moment to listen. For me, that’s the real thank you.